Back to the End of Everything

Another vacant heart dreams of beautiful lies
Filled with emptiness and sorrow
But no tomorrow

Nine years to the month I’ve had this blog.  Two years to the month since I’d last posted in it.  October and July used to be the months when major shifts or changes would happen in my life.  Now, I’m seeing a pattern with September.  So, I’ve been sifting through some of the old posts on here and all I can say is wow.  I think it’s interesting that for like.. I don’t know, years I was so.. whiny.  Probably the majority of my life, actually.  And way *too* focused on my disabilities.  I mean, yeah, a certain amount of attention is due, I think, but not every last thought.  Enough of that, I’m thinkin’.

So, I’m also thinking I might move this blog to Drupal.  As much as I love MT and as long as I’ve been using it, I’m not a fan of how complex the back end has become and how extraordinarily few themes there are for this release.  I’m playing around with a test site
now, so, we’ll see.  In the end, I’ll probably end up leaving it on MT, but maybe not.

As for the blog itself, it’s going to go in a new direction.  I don’t want to delete the past several years of my history because it’s something to look back on and learn from, but
I’m not in that place anymore and I don’t see myself returning to it any time soon.  I mean, yeah, I’m still emo, but not to the ridiculous extent that I was.  I’m much more stable now.  I’m still considering the direction we’re going to go in and I think some restructuring is in order, but there it is.  It will probably be more geared towards my creative endeavors and spiritual development.

Strange how it’s been two years to the month and nearly the week since I last posted a real entry here.  I was obviously not in a good place at the time.  I had been back in Florida for only a couple of months after spending three years in Pennsylvania where the ex I moved up there to be with had abandoned me and my two kids.  Dick.  (But I’m not bitter or anything).

Anyway, that was then, this is now and the past two years have been.. well.. it was what it was and I’m still here.  Being that the Broken Dreams blog, the history it contains and the
person I was when I was maintaining it all those years is no longer relevant/no longer exists, I’ve moved it here.  If you want to waste days of your life that you will never get back getting to know who I was, more power to you.

We all fucking bleed so just let it go

For several years, I haven’t been anywhere near a book on the occult.  I haven’t really read anything at all, in fact, that wasn’t school related or on the web.  I’ve been out of school for a few years now.  I did finally get on disability and when I moved down here, my daughter stayed up north to finish her senior year.  She still lives there.  I have been living with my best friend of twenty two years and her twin 8 year old boys.  Over the past couple of days, however, I’ve been feeling the need to pick up where I left off on my spiritual studies.  To that end, I’ve ordered the Pillars of Tubal Cain and joined The Luciferian Research Society.  I’ve also subscribed to Michael W. Ford‘s YouTube channel.  I’m also perusing websites and making a list of items I need to order to set up the room we’ve set aside to be a ritual room.


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